A Humanist Funeral Ceremony to celebrate the life of Alec Arthur Higgs 1927 - 2009 Reading Crematorium, 26th February 2009 Entry Music - Unforgettable sung by Nat King Cole Introduction I would like to welcome you today to celebrate and honour the life of Alec Arthur Higgs who died suddenly but peacefully at home on 15th February and I would like to thank you for being here to support Christine and the family at this most difficult of times. Alec’s family have chosen a humanist ceremony with which to remember and celebrate him which they feel is in keeping with his views and the way in which he lived his life. My name is Clare Grove and I am here to conduct Alec’s ceremony on their behalf. Humanism is all about living meaningful and happy lives and helping others do the same, which I am sure you all see connects so strongly with the man Alec was during his lifetime. I used the word celebrate just a few moments ago and that was deliberate, as the family want today to be a celebration of Alec’s life, where you can share your memories of him and, of course, shed some tears because he is no longer with you. We heard Nat King Cole singing the very appropriately titled song 'Unforgettable' as Alec was brought in today in his wonderfully coloured coffin, which you will all have an opportunity to view before you leave today. We shall hear more music later in the ceremony chosen for Alec by those closest to him, which all hold personal significance. Toward the end of the ceremony, there will be a time for personal reflection, and those of you who have religious beliefs may choose that time for private prayer. Opening Thoughts We cannot deny or diminish the sadness of this occasion and that Alec is no longer with you, nor that he was taken from you all so suddenly. It can be understandable to get lost in the complex web of emotions that this creates. Grief, loss bewilderment and the inevitable question why? Why did it happen to Alec? There is of course the view that when someone has lived a long and fulfilling life and has spent the most recent part of it unable to enjoy fully things in life that gave him joy, that it was just Alec’s time to go. However our hearts take much longer to accept this particularly as he was someone who was such an important part of your lives and was loved and cherished so much. Looking beyond your grief today I hope you will be able to rejoice that Alec was and is a part of your lives. Alec’s life has touched each of yours in one way or another. His influence still endures in the essence that flows from his character and all the things he did. The person he was will live in all of your memories and particularly in the hearts and minds of Christine and his beloved family. Remember those little quirks, mannerisms, and turns of phrase that you will in turn notice in each other from time to time, and will immediately recognise them as being inherited from Alec. These few words outline these thoughts well; I am not gone, I am in the hearts and bodies of my children I am in the raising of my children and their children to come. I am in their laughter and in their eyes, Following a lifelong pattern I have set before them, I am in their caring and their strength, I am in the minds of everyone that has known me, Search your hearts for good memories, And then you will know I am not gone. I wasn’t fortunate enough to meet Alec, but I have spent some time at the family home in Reading Road with Christine and the family and I learnt a lot about the wonderful man Alec was and we shall look back on happier times today and I would like to share some of the lovely memories that I was privileged to hear about in a few moments, but before that Peter is going to begin the tributes to his father with a poem he has written ; Peter’s Poem TIME'S BEEN CALLED Come on Dad time's been called you’ve no more pints to pull, The apples are all picked & stacked & the shed it’s good & full. You’ve dug the parsnips, picked the beans & the onions they’re tied tight Dinner's over, the pud’s all gone & the custard was just right. Your bedtime stories have all been told poor Hopper & Jumper have gotten old. It's time to hang away your whites & put away your woods You cannot win this final end though I really wish you could. The club is closed, the match is done, it’s getting very late You’ve got the key, you know the way, its time to shut the gate. You’ve worked so hard for all of your life For your wonderful kids & your beautiful wife But age made you weary & your life became troubled, All the things you enjoyed became problems & struggles. So come on Dad its time to go, you’ve done your very best Kick off your shoes, put up your feet you’ve earned a good long rest. All your family & friends who have gone on before they will all be waiting at the door With amazing grace playing in your head you know it’s time to go to bed. So sleep well now, rest your lovely old face until we meet again soon in a much better place Tribute Thank you Peter for those moving words. I would like to share what I learnt about Alec with you all now. Alec was born in Woodley to Bertha and Harry on 11th January 1927; he had an elder sister Dorothy and a younger brother Dennis. During the war he was in the Army and at the end of the war he was stationed in Austria and looked after the German prisoners of war, and the family told me how Alec would always impress upon them how he loved Austria. I learnt that whilst in the Army Alec was not permitted to officially shoot, due to the fact that his right eye never had clear sight, but Alec was not deterred by this and he developed a skill for being a superb left eyed marksman and he was proud that the Army awarded him an award for this achievement. From the late 1940’s and through the 1950’s as a young man he was interested in sport and helped run the Woodley football club. He met Christine in the local area as they both grew up together in Woodley and socialised at the football and sports club. On September 1st 1951 they were married and I saw a lovely photo of a very handsome young couple on their wedding day. Alec worked as an engineer and his work included time at Handley Page where he worked on aircraft, and also at Harris Lebus the sofa and furniture company. I learnt from Christine and the family about Alec’s attention to detail and exactness, and he was throughout his life renowned for his comments of ‘that’s not quite straight!’ to all members of the family. When he worked for the furniture company it was Alec’s job to check that the furniture was made correctly, and this special talent for making sure that all was in place and correctly so, clearly stayed with him throughout his life. He clearly was a proud Dad to Sally Tim Peter Debbie and Stephen, and he and Christine brought their children up with strong family values and enjoyed their family life together. I was told how Christine would often used the expression to the children ‘Wait till your father gets home,’ when they had perhaps tried her patience a little when they were younger, but they all laughed when remembering this as they all told me what a soft centre Alec had, and they knew that this was an idle threat from their Mum, as Alec would never take any harsh action with any of them. Additions to the family when their children married were warmly welcomed by Alec and Christine and the arrival of grandchildren and very recently a great grandson was much cherished by them both. The strong bond between them all is plain to see and their love of life together is a unique and special quality. I sincerely hope that all the wonderful memories that you shared with Alec during those special family times together bring you all some comfort in the days ahead. I leant of family memories of Alec when happy family times were in abundance, we have heard in Peter’s poem about how Alec told lovely stories to his children and grandchildren. A strong memory for all of them was being lifted up by Alec in to the apple tree in Alec’s beloved garden at no 75 Reading Road, the family all remembered learning to climb it, reading books in it and falling out of it ! And also collecting the apples, which has become throughout the years a real family gathering. They told me of the apple cakes and baked apples all accompanied with Alec’s famous custard! Alec’s love of his garden was an outstanding image to me, and spoken of by Christine and all of the family. Christine told me how he would provide wonderful produce for the family from it and really loved working in it and I know it became a source of frustration in later life when Alec was unable to tend to it as he would want. However I know that days spent together working in the garden during the past few days since his death have been a time when the family have all come together to support one another, and I am sure you have all felt close to your Dad working in his garden over the past few days. I learnt of his grandchildren saying to him ‘Grandad you’re falling asleep!’ to which he would swiftly reply ‘I’m just resting my eyes!’ I learnt of Alec’s lifetime passion with bowls, which is represented in the colourful coffin Christine has very appropriately chosen for Alec today which depicts a bowling match in progress. Christine told me how Alec was the founder member of the Woodley Bowling club in 1964, situated very conveniently in Woodford park, just a few hundred yards from the family home! I l was told how the club was literally built from scratch with Alec at the helm; first a small hut was built and then a pavilion and as so many members are here today I don’t need to remind you how the club has gone from strength to strength with Alec’s wholehearted commitment to the club. Christine told me of so many happy times shared with friends and fellow bowling members and the family who have grown up and been involved at the club. It is clear how highly Alec was thought of when I look out and see so many friends and members of the club here today, which I know is a great comfort to Christine and the family. I saw many photographs of family birthday parties held at the bowling club one of which stands out in my mind for various reasons; I am referring to Alec’s 80th birthday which he shared with his daughter Debbie who was celebrating her 40th birthday. I saw the amazing cake made by Peter which depicted Alec’s garden right down to rows of the individual vegetables Alec would grow. I also saw a cheeky smile all over Alec’s face as he was lap danced around by a lady called Rose! Alec was a people person, I was told he had a story about everyone for everyone, he clearly loved being part of club life in every aspect from sitting on committee’s and being President to running the bar. Alec and Christine have been married for 57 years which in itself speaks volumes. If asked ‘What do you want for Christmas’ Alec would always reply, I don’t need anything, I just want my family around me.’ His greatest achievements were five healthy children, a happy and contented marriage to Christine and a rich and full family life surrounded by much laughter, which is an example to us . Put simply; Alec was a good man who lived a good life and you really can’t say better than that. He will be very sadly missed, but never ever forgotten. We are soon approaching the time when I shall speak the words of committal and you say your final formal farewell to Alec, but before that I would like you all now to reflect on your own special relationship with Alec and remember the happy times you have shared together whilst we listen to the piece of music entitled Sentimental Journey. Those of you with a religious faith, I encourage you to use this time for silent prayer. Reflection Music – Sentimental Journey (during which family will place items from the garden) Committal So finally in sadness for his death, but in gratitude for his life, with appreciation, respect and honour we commit Alec’s body to be cremated. Alec, we feel privileged that you lived. We grieve that you are no longer with us but we are content that you will live on in the hearts, lives and memories of those that knew and loved you. We took delight in your friendship, your kind nature and your courage. We remember with gratitude, your character and all your wonderful qualities. We commit to memory your hopes and ideals. We hold you in our hearts. and now with love we leave you in peace, and with respect we bid you farewell. I have used the word memories a lot this morning, and I am sure you have been reminded of many special personal ones of Alec and I am reminded of the German prisoner of war Detrict Bonhoffer who teaches us how to use our memories in a positive way which is particularly useful I feel at this time. The dearer and richer the memories, the more difficult the separation. But gratitude converts the pangs of memory in to tranquil joy. The beauties of the past are not endured as a thorn in the flesh, but as a gift precious for its own sake. We must not wallow in our memories or surrender to them, just as we don’t gaze all the time at a valuable present, but get it out from time to time, and for the rest hide it away as a treasure we know is there all the time. Treated in this way, the past can give us lasting joy and inspiration Closing Words On behalf of Christine and the family I would like to thank you for coming here today to remember and celebrate Alec’s life, and I am sure the celebration will continue at The Woodley Bowls club where you are all welcome after the ceremony today. I am sure that Alec would not want you all to be too sad for too long and would accept that life in the practical sense must go on, so I urge you to return to your homes and families today resolved that those who live on will live your lives more fully and to better purpose for you have shared your lives with him and he has truly enhanced yours. I should now like to share a poem picked by Christine which guides you all in how to step forward from today. He Is Gone You can shed tears that he is gone - or you can smile because he has lived. You can close your eyes and pray that he’ll come back - or you can open your eyes and see all that he’s left. Your heart can be empty because you can’t see him - or you can be full of the love you shared. You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday - or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday. You can remember him and only that he’s gone - or you can cherish his memory and let it live on. You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back - or you can do what he’d want - smile open your eyes, love, and go on. As we end this ceremony we shall hear the music which so often Alec heard as he drifted off to sleep, Amazing Grace, and as you take your leave do please come and pay your respects and view Alec’s wonderful Bowling coffin. Music - Amazing Grace sung by Judy Collins